- Go to sleep, you dumb fuck
- December 4th, 2009
I'm pretty sure i'm suffering from depression, or something is wrong with me.
I hate saying that, I don't want to sound like some whiney fucktard who hears about an illness and automatically thinks/pretends they have it (like Year 11, where EVERYONE had "Multiple Personality Disorder", fucking bullshit), or tells people they do just for attention.
People who do that are cunts, they are the scum of the earth and should be bitchslapped.
Lately I've just been swinging a lot (not in that way, ya perv), but one minute i'll be fine, sociable and friendly, and then the next I'll be a grumpy, pessimistic shell of a cunt who just wants to dissapear into his room and sit on his computer complaining to no-one on a Livejournal account.
There are triggers, I think, and they'll be the stupidest things, like someone will say something, and I'll read it a certain way and it'll pull me into this bad mood that just doesn't let go. It won't ever have to be something obvious, or that was even there in the first place, but if my mind tells me its upset me, it happens. Generally though it just happens when I'm out in the world, I've genuinely lost so much faith in humanity, that just walking through town, observing people and how they squander what they have can make me so angry I just want to fucking scream at them. Its mainly the chavvy motherfuckers you see standing around the bus station, one handon their prams, the other on the Mayfair they're sucking through their greasy fucking faceholes, completely ignoring the coughs of the child inside, or that its dropped its dummy and is crying. I feel so sorry for those children, and it angers me that they're likely to grow up to be no different, due to the example set by people these days. Society is fucked, if I didnt have to go to work I'd probably never leave the house, i'd stay here, crusted into my seat being a bitter husk of a man, avoiding direct sunlight.
But yes, I don't know. I've been toying with the idea of visiting a doctor for some time, I just don't want to seem like an attention whore, or that i'm creating excuses for myself.
I don't want people to be disappointed in me. Altogether, I'm terrified of what people think of me, even those I don't know.
Oh, and Hello again, by the way.
Edit: Also, I think i'm getting stupider. I used to be good at grammar, now I keep fucking up the They're, their, there thing. It scares me.